Good Again
by V. Emily
Summary: 'They wouldn't ever be "back to normal." That doesn't happen with these situations.' After the mission with Monica, will Kensi and Deeks ever really be 'good? Yet another tag to 4x23, mostly friendship with some romance. Enjoy!


**Hey guys! I know it's been like seven or eight months since I published any NCIS: LA pieces, and for that I am so sorry. I've had a bad case of writer's block for a while, but I'm starting to snap out of it (finally) and I decided it was time to start up with my fan-fiction again (I posted an NCIS story earlier this morning, and I figured it'd only be fair to do an NCIS: LA one as well). I hope you enjoy this! It's a tag to 4x23 because we all know IT COULDN'T END LIKE THAT.**

**Please let me know if my story seems OOC to you, or if you spot any errors, or if it was the worst thing you've ever read, etc.**

**Thanks! :D –V.**

**DISCLAIMER: Nope, eight months later it still isn't mine. :(**

* * *

They were not good.

They'd agreed that they were, but they both knew better.

It hit Deeks later that evening, just how _not _ good their partnership was after the events of the day. The realization came to him as he sat alone, eating a frozen dinner in his living room and flipping through the TV guide. He kept running across shows like _Survivor_ and _The X-Factor _and oh, crap, _America's Next Top Model. _It'd been about an hour since he'd seen her, and it sounded crazy, but he missed her. Really, he missed their whole and flawless bond from before the diamond mission.

So he called her. Because even if he wasn't so good at working these things out, at least she'd know he cared. She'd at least know he wasn't completely blind to the issue between them.

Five long rings went by before she answered.

"Hey, Deeks."

"Hey, Kens."

They both sounded so tired. The mission had drained them – physically, emotionally.

"Need something?" Kensi asked after silence had occupied the line for too long.

"Uh, nope. Just…calling to say hi."

"Hi."

"Hi."

"Anything else?" she said.

That's about when it dawned on him about how ridiculous he was being. Time to man up, admit he was wrong, and ask for her forgiveness.

"Uh, not really."

He wanted to bang his head on the coffee table. How on earth did he count _that_ as manning up?

"O-kay. Then I'm gonna hang up, all right? Night, Deeks."

The words started to tumble out before he could give them careful thought. "Kens, I didn't want to kiss her and I'm sorry."

Quiet.

"Kensi?"

"…Yeah, Deeks. I know you're sorry. I know. It's just-"

"Hang on. Come over and we'll talk about it, okay? I've got beer."

"We're going to need it."

* * *

Twenty minutes later, they were both on his couch with a beer each, not talking, just drinking. _Top Model_ ran in the background; Deeks had put it on as ambience and as an olive branch for Kensi.

"So," he said finally. "'It's just…'"

"Oh, yeah." She put her beer on the table and adjusted herself on the sofa. After a deep breath, she continued, "Look, Deeks, I get that you couldn't tell me about the mission. We're agents. It happens. You go on missions with girls you can't mention, I go on missions with guys I can't mention…" Deeks's eyebrows shot up, but Kensi hushed him. "Not one word. The reason this mission was different was because I backed you up near the end. It was hard to listen to – you and her, you know?"

He nodded. "I know. I'm sorry. I really didn't want to be with her. The diamond-crazed, testosterone-obsessed girls aren't really my type, though I can't blame her wanting all this." Kensi rolled her eyes.

"Oh, shut up," she said. And she smiled, though it faded quickly as she went on. "That's not all I'm worried about. She asked me in the interrogation room…if I ever wanted more."

"More?"

"More than what we have."

Deeks blinked in surprise and took a sip of his beer. "Well," he said, not sure quite what to think. "You can't say she's not blunt."

Kensi ignored him. "After that, she asked me if I trusted you."

Oh.

Deeks laughed nervously. "I hope you said yes." She was silent. "Kens? You did say yes, right?"

"Of course I did, but she tried to plant some doubts."

"It didn't work, did it? I mean, you do trust me?"

Another silence.

Now Deeks scooted closer to her, looked her full in the eyes. "Kensi," he said softly. "I'm your partner and your friend – at least, I hope I'm your friend. I'm at least your friend, aren't I?"

He laughed a little – nervously.

Kensi smiled. "Yeah."

"Okay, that's good," he said, and they were so close he could hear her breathing and feel her heat. "Kens, lying is in our job descriptions. I hate to do it, but we have to. I lie to the bad guys, and sometimes to the good guys, all so LA will suck a little less. But when I lie to you, I only make life suck more."

"It really does suck when you lie to me."

"I know. So I'm giving you a coupon."

"A coupon."

"Yeah. One free lie, whenever you want to use it."

"That's the worst idea you've ever had."

"New record!"

She had to laugh as she shook her head. "You're unbelievable."

Deeks became a little more somber, and after a half second of consideration, he reached for her hand. He didn't pull away even when he felt her tense. Soon, she relaxed and squeezed his fingers gently.

"So what'd you tell Monica? When she asked if you wanted more."

"I didn't say anything. Besides, it's not allowed."

With his free hand, Deeks pulled out the letter that had been burning a hole in the pocket of his jeans since he'd received it. He handed it to her to read.

"'Sunshine and gunpowder'?" she said. "What does that even mean?"

"That's what I said you smelled like."

"So…is this a green light?"

"I think so. On Hetty Street, anyway. What about you?"

_Kensi Blye doesn't get scared_. That was the myth, but it wasn't true. Nobody is _fearless_; some of us are just really, really good at covering it up. Or really, really stupid. In that moment, Kensi was neither. She was scared, and she knew Deeks could sense it as her blood pumped frantically through her veins.

Her voice came out in a whisper. "Yeah."

Deeks couldn't believe his luck. He hoped his had wasn't too sweaty, because he was as nervous as he'd ever been.

"That's good, because I want it, too," he said.

He studied her face, felt her pulse as he held her hand. "But we don't really want it, do we?" he said. "Not tonight."

She seemed so relieved as he said it. "No," she agreed. "I guess we don't. We're not…right."

"Not yet," he said. "But we're getting there."

She nodded and looked over at the television, where a model was having an emotional breakdown in front of the camera. "They got rid of Angela?!"

Echoing her shock, Deeks exclaimed, "Oh no they didn't!"

She punched him on the shoulder. "Don't judge me."

"I'm not judging. Fill me in."

"Well, it looked like Heather was going to win at first, but then…"

As she explained in great detail the ongoing season of _Top Model, _Deeks smiled and put his arm around her. They weren't quite ready for anything _more_ just yet, and things weren't completely okay between them yet, but they would be. All Kensi and Deeks really needed were a few more nights like this and a bit of time to strengthen the trust between them again.

They wouldn't ever be "back to normal." That doesn't happen with these situations.

When they got out of this, they'd be even better.

* * *

**What do you think? I'm trying to get my fan-fiction voice back, so I don't know if it's any good. But let me know how I'm doing and how I could improve!**

**Thank you for reading. If you have any story requests, I would love to hear from you via review/PM. Because I am a shameless author who leeches off readers' ideas. **

**Happy writing/reading, and I hope to publish another fic very soon! :) –V.**


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